A message to Drukwood.

Some random thoughts...

My country is the best country, this is what we hear from every countrymen for their own country. And as a Bhutanese i love Bhutan. Undeniably true.

But there must be flaw in human creation. And countries are created by man. No! Wrong here sorry, countrymen are wrong sometimes i mean this way. See the problem is that we hardly take up a job that gives no respect. We are coming from environment where we are forced to look only and only for high post. Thats why we dont see graduates taking up blue collar jobs. Not intently saying that they must but there are graduates who prefer blue collar jobs and are afraid to take it, afraid of society. 

And what about homosexuals? Our society wont accept it. I am not just generalising, ask yourself if u could accept your daughter if she is a lesbian and have a woman as her partner, can u..?

And druggist, they holds one of the lowest rung. 

And of course poor and rich. In this case many having people treats have nots as kind of slave. 

We need to change our views on these issues. Look at it from a good perspective.

We must change people and their view on it. 

And one best way is through media. Especially films. With strong storytelling.  I love Tom Hanks' Philadelphia (1993) which gives all its shots on Americans to rethink about their take on homos. Well! It served its purpose today as Americans have no probs with homos. 

I wish it in our country too, the film industry (Drukwood) must stop overproduction of fairytale love stories and start producing movies  with social messages too, in a way that could change views..even the views of unlearnt. 

Sorry not AGAIN

Day before yesterday and she asks...do u wanna give a chance to our relation???

I stood silent, still i am.

I dont wanna name her, just my ex wife. Yea she have been with me in bad times  but not as much as she ought to be.

Last September she confessed she would never be with me..that she had other man. 

I was drowned in air, breatheless and i mean it literally. I nearly fell. See the thing is i trusted her so much..loved her, loved her even more as the mother of my daughter. See i spent almost a decade with her as her husband. In those times i had failed her a lot but she hadn't the slightest idea of what sacrifices i made. I did sacrificed a lot just to be her husband. Going against family, against all odds and i am pretty sure she had her fair share of sacrifices. And we did our relation perfect. Yea of course some failures here and there as it is in every relation.

That moment when she said she had another man without a flinch i was all hell burning. I didnt sleep for nights, refusing nourishment and tears. I pleaded her to come back..not for me but for our daughter. But she was blinded by that mans true love which expired recently. 

Yeah..i can fairly put  i am moving on but i cant deny that the tauma of that emotional blackout lingers somewhere in this 300 gram weighing heart and somewhere in a lobe of my brain that recalling it or mere sound of sentimental songs brings unmeasurable pain of loss. And trust me no souls would love it. 

And when she asks u wanna give a chance? ?.. i felt a pang of her inhumane sporting. Like in those periods of gloom when i was crying like a kid, listening to sad songs till 5 am in the morning and asking her to come back in my life just as the respiratory systems would do in the absence of oxygen and i am not a inch closer to exaggeration, and  now wanna give a chance?? Like those suicidal thoughts that haunted me in wee hours oh god come on and she ask wanna give a chance again??.. seriously ?? Like those times were  just a scene in a movie. God dammit i was there in the centre of all above expressed and u ask wanna give  a chance??😓

Yea we hav a  daughter in between but no! No more. I am in a mess, and i dont want to be in a  mess again. I love you but dont want u to come back.

Thank u for being with me.

Please understand 

A snippet of turbulance

My blog..left untouched for years..faithful so came back and will nurse it with some words hereby.

Previous post were some teen age or say budding thoughts pictured in poems which that time i thought to keep it myself for you know very less people get poems😅😅.

And here i am today. 

Life have been a very interesting tale and i learnt helluva truth.

Firstly i couldn't complete college, i was a final year student.

And second my wife divorced me for my incompetence in running  a family.

Why..??...Drugs...

Its now 2 years and counting since i abstained and right now my lungs are 

shouting we are clean ..we are clean..😆😆.

Firstly my incomplete college life,

I was hailed in school days as a brilliant brain by teachers and friends. Of course high hopes. But now a complete stinking shit. Yea actually thats how society see me. Friends who were thousand kilometres behind me in those learning days are now all rainbow behind their head. Well ahead of me. 

Its life. If i am better than them i would live better and they are better than me so they live  better. Actually over the past two years i was learning a lot of craps that wont feed me. These craps say well i am still better than them. I am happy. I gotta learn and smile. I do things i cherish, i read, i write, i reflect. And many others. I dont have to wake up early and reach some place on time. Whats better? Its all our mindset. My friends around right now cries for failures but i take its what meant for us. Accept your place. Grow. And grow doesnt always meant growing big. Sometimes its just doing sth we cant. I see my friends decorated and they pity me. We are all pitied at the end and death doesn't bias. 

And yea divorce. 

I am a son of a divorced parents. Growing up i hate it so much the notion of divorce. Parents come to pick up their children from school after the end of exams and i was always the last one to leave school. Or last one to reach home partly because i dont want to go home. Not that i am a victim of domestic violence but i really dont want to go home. There was nothing i love to be home nor nothing i hate. I hang out most of the time with friends. That says little about my indulgence to drugs.

Diverting..the point is my 7 year old daughter is with my ex wife. She will marry again for no beautiful woman stands alone for long😉 and i am worried of my daughter. Yes in some distant future i may marry again but as i have gone through the state of a son from divorced parents i can understand the plights much better. And i aint letting it happen to my growing daughter. She is beautiful god damnit.

And these two turnabouts have shaken my solidity. John Grisham says a soul must go through a brief, intense  period of grievings and move to the next phase. Indeed it works. Cried buckets,planned suicides though a fail, reduced myself to bones and after that i moved on..oops...hate that part. Wrecked havoc and i am surviving. .Yo! As Timon and Pumbaa sings in Lion king...my life as of now a Hakuna Matata.